Good Morning,
It looks like it’s time to start pressing forward, maybe it would be better to say that it feels like it’s time. One thing I am slowly learning is that certainty is non-existent as you move forward. The only time you can be certain of anything is when you look backwards and even that is dependent upon having the proper perspective. The future is filled with time and chance as Ecclesiastes so wonderfully reminds us.
I have been burned in the past from over confidence and in the process scorched others. Needless to say, as a result I have been rather reluctant to press on into the great unknown. In fact, the last few forays into the unknown have been done against my will in many respects. It started when I told God thanks for the great job and was looking forward to staying there the rest of my life. And the reply was “Sorry bub, it’s time to move on” as the rug was pulled out from under my feet. Not just once but three times in three years the rug was pulled from places I was ready to stay for all eternity.
I didn’t see those things coming, mostly because I didn’t want to see them coming. A lot has happened in the ensuing 7 years. My heart has been both softened and healed and in the process the stirring of my heart has grown stronger. My calling is ever before me, the need is more clearly seen than ever before by my eyes. I have friends who are encouraging me and supporting me. Some are saying it’s time to go for it, even if I’m not so clear what the ‘it’ is.
The result is that I am at the place where I am willing to begin to take risks once again. That’s a big deal for me on a multitude of levels. Last week I sent out a prayer request about getting copyright permission for a project I’d been working on. Tuesday, that request was soundly rejected. On another front I was planning to place an ad in a national magazine to begin marketing my writing but yesterday that door was closed as well and once again rather soundly.
I think I’m handling those rejections surprisingly well. That is a part of working toward the future; you don’t know what God has in mind. You only know the ideas you have in your head. What’s that proverb? Men make plans but God determines the outcome. I’ve been wanting clarification on where I should begin to focus my attention. Two opportunities were taken off the list in about 24 hours. That is a good thing. Now it’s time to press on to the next thing.
I understand that God determined the outcome of my requests. Goliath dashed David’s hopes but only because God gave him permission. One project gets put on hold for now. One marketing strategy is not pursued. The timing wasn’t right for the project and the audience wasn’t right for the marketing and that’s ok. I would rather something be stopped before I became obsessed and enamored with it than after it had become a beloved possession.
So now it’s on to the next thing, another risk: Another chance for failure or success. I can’t see how this one will work out either; I can only try. The risk is greater on many levels. There is cash involved – advertising is expensive. And there is the recognition factor; by that I mean that there are certain people in the world that I don’t really want to read my works because they will misunderstand them. But that too is a risk. I knew the risk when I began to put pen to paper. This heart and brain had been preparing for this for years but when it was finally birthed, well, it is still rather, how shall I say it, “against the grain” of popular culture especially church culture.
But I did not set out to write a best seller; I set out to write the truth. As Jack Nicholson said so eleoquently in one of his movies that I never say: The Truth? The Truth? You can’t handle the truth.
Yesterday, despite being rejected, I was also reminded of why I write (and it is obviously not to make money). I had to go pick up some ceiling tiles downtown. The last time I was there was maybe 4 months ago and before I left I gave the fork lift driver a copy of the first book. So as I was picking up my order I asked him if he read the book I gave him. Up to that point he didn’t have a clue who I was but when the word ‘book’ came out of my mouth he came alive. “ Ah man I loved that book. I …I had to read it twice. You know my kids had never seen me read a book before. I think one of my boys is reading it now ‘cause he never saw me read before. It was good. I mean I could relate, I was there. That stuff about the law and not bein’ able to be convicted without two witnesses. That was…nobody talks like that…I mean it’s true and nobody says it.”
I will probably just end up giving books away for the rest of my life because when someone gets it, well there’s nothing better. Cash can’t make that any better. And yet, I need to pay the bills in order to write: Thus my dilemma.
So to that end I am praying and planning toward the goal of starting a non-profit educational corporation to promote what I am calling Micro-Communication. It is the exact opposite of what my almost (ten hours short) masters in Mass Communication was all about. We are bombarded on every side by generic messages in every form of media telling us to do this or that with a broad stroke and a dollar sign. We even try to do that with the gospel: Just the other day I heard of at least two mass communication evangelistic efforts that are going to be taking place in my area soon. There is something about the concept of an impersonal presentation of the good news, even if it is one on one, that makes me want to spew.
Life is meant to be personal. Art is meant to be personal. Everything we do is about relationships in one way or another. The world is personal because the God who created it is personal. It is time that we who say we believe in the personal God began to get personal. That is the heart of where I want to go.
Now I will be honest, I can’t see very far down the path. But all I need to see are the next couple of foot holds. One step at a time is all that matters. I can’t walk on the road that’s a mile in front of me. I can only walk where I am.
I’ve been preaching through the book of Zechariah the last few weeks as a part of what I’m calling a foundation series and it has been ministering to me as much as anyone else. I ran across a verse in chapter 8 that really suits where I am and what I need to be remembering. God says: “All this may seem impossible to you now, a small remnant of God’s people. But is it impossible for me?” I really need to remember that with each and every step I take.
I would appreciate your prayers and I know that many of you are already praying and I am grateful for that This is the first step of planning to get me to the place where I can do ministry full time. I don’t know how far away that reality is but it’s not in my sights. I’m glad it doesn’t have to be because my vision is not too good.
As always I will keep you up to date on the progress of what is going on in my life. I am reminded of the words of Bruce Cockburn: Struggle for a dollar, scuffle for a dime. Step out from the past and try to hold the line. So how come history takes such a long, long timewhen you're waiting for a miracle?
Good question.
As the days speed past but time seems to be at a standstill and action seems non-existent I will put one foot in front of the other, side step obstacles as they cross my path, knock until a door opens and trust that everything is personal because the One who made it is a person and on the last day I’ll turn around and laugh at the squiggly line that was my path.
Grace, Peace, and Perseverance to you all.
Brad
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