The long and winding road

Hey Everyone,

I don’t know about you but I always thought the straight and narrow was going to be a lot straighter and narrower than it is. I guess I assumed that the phrase meant shortest and quickest; but it’s dawning on my lately that such is not the case.

Not in my wildest dreams did I ever think the path would lead me through the valley of the shadow of death so many times. At the same time, when I was in those valleys I never thought I’d see good times again, not just good times, better times. I never imagined even just a few short years ago that I’d be praying with my wife in the mornings and enjoying it. It just never entered my mind.

I know some of you think praying is the next best thing to sliced bread and that everybody should be praying non-stop with anybody and everybody anytime they can. And perhaps those things are true but in the reality that is my head that’s a lot easier said than done. I made it through 16 or 17 years of marriage with limited prayer time, who am I kidding limited communication of any kind. Those of you who have read this weekly blurb for any length of time are quite familiar with the fact that I don’t communicate one on one very well.

But the path erroneously named straight and narrow I’ve been walking on has been changing me in the last few years even though it has been like pulling teeth without anesthetic. Somewhere along the line I be grudgingly started praying in the mornings with my wife not of my own volition but because she asked me to. It has been a struggle for me. It has been a dying for me – a dying to me. I need a lot more dying so that I can start living.

This morning after our short prayer together my wife looked at me and I couldn’t tell you exactly what she said but this is what I heard: Thanks for praying with me. It means a lot. And the look in her eyes said more than her words.
This comes on the heels of us coming home from a trip to Chattanooga without me turning on the stereo. (Never been done before). We simply talked for two and a half hours.

I still can’t figure out how the path led me here. How did I make it past the dead man’s curves of fear? How did I start to grow up against my own wishes? Why did it take so damn long? I mean come on I’m going to be 51 in a few weeks. I’m just doing things now that I should have been doing 30 years ago but I couldn’t. I wasn’t able. It wasn’t possible given the state of my heart.

I’ve been going through Genesis in my weekly sermon series. We’ve been looking at the extreme dysfunction of the families in there. They were messed up but no more than our own; our lives are just not revealed for all the world to see. God took years to get them where he wanted them to be. Abraham was 75 before he gave up his idols. Jacob was in his 60’s before he reconciled with his brother. His family continued to be a mess until just before he died. I’m learning that it takes a lot (of both pain and time) to change a man’s heart: A whole lot.

So much for straight and narrow. I think the Beatles might have been correct when they sang The Long and Winding Road: The wild and windy night that the rain washed away has left a pool of tears crying for the day. Why leave me standing here? Let me know the way. The long and winding road that leads to your door will never disappear I've seen that road before it always leads me here: Lead me to your door.

This crazy road is leading me places I didn’t know existed. And I can’t say that it gets any easier driving through the new fear frontier but at least I now know I’m traveling across country I would have never seen if I’d been on another path.
Can anybody explain to me the difference between terror and excitement? They blur together for me. Perhaps the long and winding road is a roller coaster. The terror is the long slow climb. The excitement is making it past the climb and falling into the father’s arms with your stomach in your mouth.

I think another hill is about to end because my knuckles are about as white as they can get. I hear Jeff Bridges singing: It’s funny how falling feels like flying –for a little while.

Guess I’ll know which it is in a few weeks.

Grace and Peace,
Brad

www.cosmoyada.com