Hard Luck and Bad News

Morning Everyone,

I have a friend, not much older than I am, who is not long for this world. It is a good thing for him; he will soon be in the presence of his Lord. But there are many here who are suffering because of the approaching loss. It reminds me oh so deeply that I am nearly 51 and tomorrow isn’t promised to me.

51 and going back to school; I think I must be crazy. At least I’m not going back with the illusion of getting a better job like I did with that wasted Masters. I’m going back because I need the focused study. I need to hone the things that are bouncing around in my head looking for direction.

Already, in my self-motivated pre-reading the iron sharpening iron has begun. My eyelids have been pealed back and the paradigm shifts are being poured into my skull. Yet, there is a part of me that is asking why now? Why this late in my life? What if I don’t have enough time to do anything with what I learn? What’s the point?

I may never know what the point is. The secret things belong to God. I guess I’m finally figuring out and applying myself to the fact that the destination is not the point the journey is. I must do the things that are put before me: Study and Write. Those things are my calling. I must pursue them as long as my brain continues to function and my fingers are able to type or my voice holds out. I must be faithful to my call even if there is not visible fruit in my life time.

I find myself taking comfort in the fact that most of the writers I am now reading were dead long before I knew who they were. They wrote around the time I was born or long before and it took me almost 50 years to even hear of them. They are names that for the most part had little effect on the state of affairs in the culture of their day. And now that they are gone their work is bearing fruit in my life and in the lives of others.

I won’t be able to look at the world the same since I read some of H. E. Runner's work last week. I will spend the rest of my life trying to sort through the changes it has made in my view of the world. It is with some fear that I think about pressing forward with my reading list. I’m not sure why I’m the one who has been put on this long slow path. I am finally figuring out though why it is such a long slow path and that’s because it has taken me this long to mature enough to begin to head in this direction. I’m really slow at growing up. And that answers the above questions about why now so late in life. I wasn’t ready for it until now.

It’s not just paradigms that are shifting in my life; other areas of my existence are beginning to change. I actually closed out my ridiculously small retirement account a couple of weeks before the market mayhem began to ensue. I had been talking about it for over a year since I dealt with the topic of knowing what companies you invest your money in during a sermon series. It has been on my mind, gnawing at me for some time and I finally did it. I paid off some bills and then for the first time in my life I consciously invested in something. I set aside some of my income for the future. Yes, at 50, for the first time.

At this point, I’m not sure whose future it is for but that’s another problem for another time. To those of you who have been doing such things since you were born this may seem unbelievable that someone could be so pitiful. But as Larry Norman sang: Hard luck and bad news has followed me from town to town all my life my luck’s been down I’m getting so weary…. You can change luck to providence if it makes you uncomfortable.

That’s why these seemingly inconsequential things are such a big deal for me. God is letting me change. That’s not something that everybody gets to do. I know a lot of people who think about changing all the time but never get around to it. These little baby steps that I am taking flood over me like a tidal wave. Some of you have probably been grown up since you were 5 but I only thought I was grown up until I was thirty and now at 50 it may be starting to happen.

I find myself grateful for the opportunity because I know deep in my heart it is something that most people don’t get to do. Maybe, I will be in the presence of my Lord tomorrow. I don’t know. But I do know that when I get there I will fall at his feet in gratefulness that he let me be saved from myself. Only he is strong enough and brave enough to do such a momentous deed.

Grace and Peace,

Brad