When will I ever learn to live in God?

Morning,

Sometimes I forget the important stuff. For instance, in the last couple of weeks I forgot that God moves at the speed he wants to move at. The result of me forgetting was looking at the world in the context of my time table. I began to find myself stressed to no end because things weren’t happening now. You see I am a product of my generation and I want everything now. I want God to keep his promises now, I want people to be set free from bondage now, I want my house put back together now. I want to be working a single good paying job now. I want to spend more time writing now.

The list is endless. And if I can’t have it now, yesterday will be ok.

I guess I’m still a tween or a teen in my heart of hearts. I never have liked growing up – oh I’ve wanted to be grown up since I can remember but I have always wanted it to be an instant and painless thing. But that’s not the way growing up works now is it?

Maybe, I’ve just been obsessed with time lately or at least my lack of it. There are so many things to do, to get done, to put into practice that the tasks seem overwhelming. It is when that happens that I begin to forget. I forget that I am not in charge. I forget that I can’t change anyone or anything. I forget that I do not have the power to control the planet, not even the little micro dot of life that is my existence.

Van Morrison sings when will I ever learn to live in God when will I ever learn? He gives me everything I need and more. When will I ever learn?
I don’t know is the answer to that question.

I mean my forgetfulness has gotten so bad that I lost it yesterday over a couple of comic books. Yeah, Comic books. They are one of the few things I do in this world for myself, one of my distractions. I collect Daredevil comics. In the world of comic merchandizing the big companies sometimes do a huge story across several different magazines so that die hard fans will purchase vast quantities of comics over a short period of time. Such is the turn of events with Daredevil for the next few months, instead of one comic book a month they are turning out 3 or 4 comics a week or at least it seems that way to me.

It has been an interesting story line: Good Catholic superhero crosses over to the dark side to bring justice in New York where justice has become a joke. Kind of like what the church is famous for: using the wisdom of the world when the wisdom of God just doesn’t seem to be up to snuff.

Anyway, I’m a little particular when it comes to my comic story lines: I like to read them in order. I like to understand the many faceted sides of a story as I read it which is why one comic a month is a good thing for me. To make a long story even longer, I missed last weeks comics. You see, I knew I was going to get my regular monthly in the mail so I didn’t bother buying it in the store. Not a big deal. I thought that there was supposed to be another comic but I didn’t see it. No big deal. Then yesterday it was confirmed I missed an issue. I bought this weeks issues and headed home. When I got home – no comic book in the mail. And I basically lost it.

Crap.

The mail has not been my friend lately. Doesn’t the Federal government know that I need to get my packages on time, my time, even if they haven’t been mailed yet? For a couple weeks I have been like Ralphie in A Christmas Story running home to check the mail box to see if my decoder ring has come. Every day nothing. I am expecting that decoder ring to change my life forever with its glorious message of 'Drink More Ovaltine' from afar but everyday it is the same: nothing and my life stays the same. I need that decoder ring.

It took me a couple of hours to get over the comic book funk that I put myself in. I was frustrated because nothing was going my way and daredevil was the last straw. I don’t know if it was on purpose or not but the daily dose of wasted trees was sitting on the couch when I sat down in a huff after being told to go to the other room because I was in a huff and no one else in the house wanted to share that experience with me. So I picked up the top piece of shredded trees and saw a story about Pastors being stressed out, overweight and prone to heart attacks because they do the Lord’s work in their own way and not His. I tried to brush it off but it kept sticking in my craw.

It was this episode yesterday that helped me remember that I am quick to forget whose world this is and who is in charge. The answer to both of those questions is somebody besides me. If I could remember that, maybe, just maybe, I could simply focus on the tasks that I have before me and leave the timing and outcome of things to God. Maybe. Given my track record I have my doubts.

I’m not so sure why I get so frustrated over God’s time table but I do. Maybe I should try to remember that he is dealing with the contingencies of the actions of over 6 billion people every second of every day and they are all vital aspects of the single plan of God and everything works together to bring about that plan, that glorious plan. And maybe I should remember that the only plan that matters isn’t going to fail.

I try to remember, honest I do, but then I see people do stupid stuff like lose it over comic books, or run away from sobriety, or refuse to be responsible for themselves and their families and I just want to scream.

This is the cycle of my life. Right now, I remember and there is a semblance of peace but given my track record I will forget again. You see, I haven’t punched in to the work a day world yet so I haven’t felt like punching anyone out so far.

When will I ever learn?

We’ll see what the plan unfolds today.

Brad