Who Was it?

It’s Thursday Morning once again, greetings.

I’ve been listening to Hurricane Smith the last week or so. I’m sure you probably haven’t heard of him but you might know his big American hit – Oh Babe what would you say. Anyway, I was struck this week by the opening words of a Gilbert O’Sullivan penned tune called Who Was It? that is on the only album I’ve ever been able to find of Mr. Smith's in the States. You can actually hear the whole song at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaUZmMyflrA

I’ve been thinking a lot about the providence of God and with that the care and love that he has for those who are his. The words go like this:

Who was it that caught you fallin’ and put you back on your feet?
And who was it that tripped you anyway, in order that the two of us could meet?
It was me and I’ll tell you why: Oh I did it because of my
Pure unabashed devotion to loving you.


Most of the time I live like a humanist; and not like the Christian that I profess to be. I say this because, when push comes to shove, when life gets hard I don’t see the hardness as coming from the hand of God for my good I see it as a mistake. I see it as random chance.

I mean why would God plan for me to be riding down 65 with my boss driving and have him start choking worse than I’ve ever seen anyone choke. which causes us to serve into another lane where other cars are also barreling down the highway at 70 plus mile per hour? By the grace of God we missed the other car by inch(es?) and eventual my boss started to breath again and everything was alright but why would God in His Providence plan something like that?

That was day one of my week. Day two I was working hard to complete a book revision and finish a new book. I have been working diligently on these two projects for a month trying to meet a deadline and suddenly in the blink of an eye it is all gone when my flash drive goes into meltdown and I lose all my work. ALL OF IT.

It’s much easier for me to say: it was an accident, it was chance, there was no meaning behind it. It’s easier to think like an unbeliever. But the truth is just because I can’t see the meaning in events doesn’t mean that there aren’t any.

From another perspective, I also have a difficult time seeing the love of God in near death experiences and lost work and yet scripture clearly tells us that all things work to the good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose.

To quote Van Morrison: When will I ever learn to live in God?

I’m hoping soon, and actually, I think this week has helped me make big strides in that direction. I think I am learning to understand the tension that is inherent in providence. To often the concept of providence or sovereignty, if you prefer, is used to try and diminish pain, suffering etc. by writing it off as the plan of God. Sometimes we banter around the sovereignty of God and his Providence as if it were a Nike commercial that tells us to ‘just do it’.

But I think that is a misunderstanding of God’s ways. Because this is God’s world, put together by God’s word and plan: Everything is meaningful – even my sadness and frustration, my joy, my pleasure, my boredom. I can embrace my frustration because it is a real emotion planned by God for a real purpose. Too often, at least in my experience, we try to shut down our emotions as non-essential to our lives. Now, that might be true if emotions were random bits of meaningless chance. But because our emotions are created by God, and planned by God, when they occur in our lives the perhaps we should learn to pay more attention to them. What are they telling us about life, about God, about ourselves?

When I am fuming at the loss of a month’s work: What is my anger about, who is it focused on? Most of the time, if I stop and think about it, when I get angry: I’m angry at God. If he’s so powerful why doesn’t he do something about this? Why doesn’t he fix my flash drive? Why doesn’t he recreate my files on another harddrive? What’s his problem anyway? In other words, I’m acting like a spoiled brat.

I really do act like that – a lot. It hit me this week that underlying all my bitching and moaning at God is the fact that when it comes down to it I don’t trust him, I don’t believe his word. I don’t think he knows what he’s doing. I think I know better. Once again I am thinking like a humanist – like Adam and Eve.

I used a passage out of Philippians’ chapter one as a benediction last week (by the way sorry about no sermons being attached the last couple of weeks – they have to be written before they can be attached) which included verse six: For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will accomplish and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Somehow, some way, this is beginning to sink into my hard head this week. Everything that happens in my life is planned to be there to make me what I am meant to be. I keep forgetting that I haven’t arrived, that I will not arrive in this life. I am becoming like Jesus and this life has been planned to ensure that that happens.

The unfolding of my days are the unfolding of God’s pure unabashed devotion to loving me. While I am yet a sinner God loves me. He loves me so much that he will not let me have my way – that is a concept we have lost in child rearing isn’t it? He won’t let me have my way because my way will kill me. I am a self destructive fool if left to myself. My heavenly Father cares enough about me, loves me enough to say ‘no you can’t have that’ but you do need this. He loves me enough to unfold every single second of my day with the purpose of accomplishing and completing the process of making me holy and blameless in Christ Jesus which really means he is focused on making me alive, fully alive. See the scripture gives us the law of God and says: Do this and live. If that is true then we won’t be fully alive until we lay aside our lawlessness.

I haven’t fully wrapped my head or my heart around that yet. To think that God loves me with no ulterior motives; just because he wants to, is mind boggling. It is deeper than my dysfunctional self can comprehend most days. To add to that the fact that he loves me so much that he has promised to defeat death in my life and make me alive – fully alive someday just blows me away. (Yes I know I have all of that in Christ Jesus but there is a big difference between having a red rider BB gun on lay away and holding in your hands on Christmas day).

I’d like to say I had it all figured out but if I ever do please call me a liar. I don’t have anything figured out except I think I know that this is God’s world, I am God’s creature living in the midst of God’s providence. I look forward to the day, probably after I am dead, when I quit kicking against everything that God does and wants and fully and completely embrace his pure unabashed love for me.

Even as I write these things I just received word that my office mate Fred lost his son to a heart attack that lead to an accident on the interstate while he was driving to the hospital. My eyes can’t see good enough to make sense of that. My heart is not soft enough to let that sink in. The first thing in my head was that could have been me on Monday. My second thought was have mercy on Fred dear God, don’t give him more than he can bear.

May God be merciful to us all and in the tragedy that is the fall reveal to each and every one of us his pure unabashed devotion to loving us.

Grace and Peace,

Brad