It is with a desire to consolidate my writing, better use my time, and help a scattered brain focus on the tasks at hand I have decided to move my weekly blog to my website. You can now find my ramblings at
http://www.cosmoyada.com/blog/
Thanks to all who have willfully or accidentally taken the time to read what I write. I would hope that if you have enjoyed my words and thoughts you will follow me at the new site which of course will be
http://www.cosmoyada.com/blog/
Grace and Peace,
Brad
Monday, December 19, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Life's Been Good
Morning one and all,
I’m sure some of you are somewhat appalled by the things that come from the tips of my fingers and the dark recesses of my mind each week. I also know that what I intend to say is not always what is heard. For instance, last week when I said I would like to sell myself into slavery some of you thought that I was overwhelmed with life, or that things were just horrible and I wanted to get out of a mess.
While I would like to get out of a mess, things aren’t horrible. In fact, they are better than they have been in a long, long time. Over the past 5 years God has blessed me so much that I have been able to eliminate somewhere around $30,000 of debt. I have two decent jobs that treat me very well. It is me that doesn’t treat me very well, nobody else, especially not God. I am blessed in so many ways. God is growing me up and changing me like never before. My life is really, really good.
As Joe Walsh sang in Life’s been good: Lucky I'm sane after all I've been through. Everybody says I'm cool (He’s cool). I can't complain but sometimes I still do. Life's been good to me so far.
Life, like baseball has been bery bery good to me. I am thankful for that. I really am. By the grace of God I have been able to almost dig myself out of the hole that I’ve been trapped in for most of my life. To be honest, the financial part of that hole is miniscule compared to all the other components.
To be sober for close to 20 years, married to a wonderful woman for 19, live in the same city (ok county) for over 20 years, and to have worked steadily for as long as I have are things that most people might take for granted but they are blessings of grace to me. They are things that I did not have the will or the power to do the first thirty years of my life.
Yes, the wheels of grace turn way too slowly for me some days. I have wasted over half of my life in true and real bondage; first to abuse and then to addiction so I could forget the pain. Now there is a huge part of me that wants more than anything to make up for lost time.
But the truth is there is no lost time. I needed, yes I can say it now, needed to be where I was back then, to feel the pain so bad that I needed to numb it and then experience the catastrophe of numbness so I could claw my way back to reality. I needed all of that in order to become whatever it is I’m supposed to become when I get big. From my point of view right now it looks like I’ve still got a long, long way to go to get big.
Yet I also know that the hole called my life could have been a whole lot deeper. I know where I could have gone but didn’t. I know of at least three friends who are or were in prison; one for murder, one for drugs and one for sex. Just a couple more turns on the path and I could have been at any of those destinations. I know friends who are dead or insane. I know plenty of people who refuse to change at all. They’re happy with numb. And I will admit that it is a good feeling, feeling no pain. But the goal isn’t feeling good; it is being good.
As you can tell by my emails I’m not all that excited about reality sometimes. Jesus certainly seemed a lot nicer when I thought life was pain free. But it wasn’t that Jesus was nicer but rather that I didn’t have a clear understanding of the fall. I didn’t know the depths of pain that it caused. I couldn’t taste the veil of tears because I was numb. I couldn’t relate to a man of sorrows. I thought Jesus was supposed to be Mr. Happy go lucky.
How can someone who has never known the depth of bondage in his own life in talk to people about freedom? They can’t. Someone who never knew they were lost doesn’t get all that excited about reaching their destination. It took me thirty years of being saved to realize that I was lost. It’s taken another 20 for me to get my true bearings in the real world. And though my footing is probably surer than it has ever been it still feels shaky because I’m standing on new legs, in new world and it’s not what I’m used to. Like Joe Walsh, I'm just looking for clues at the scene of the crime.
Today, I am thankful and very grateful for where I am. If I had any more I’d be able to avoid pain. If I had any less I might be overwhelmed by the weight. As it is, I’m at a place where I can’t be comfortable. There is a yearning for more. That ‘more’ is the fullness of salvation that I see in scripture. I’m not satisfied because I see the Word and I know my life and my life isn’t where scripture says salvation should be. So I press on to the higher calling.
I long to have the Word made manifest completely in my life. I long for the brokenness that I see inside me to be made whole. I long for the kingdom to be established in my heart and mind. And these things are being done. It’s just so slow that it makes me want to scream out with the saint’s under the altar in revelation: HOW LONG?
I truly am grateful to God for all that he has and is doing. I am a blessed man because God is saving me from myself a little each day. He’s not just saving me, he is growing me up, and though it is not what I would have asked for it; is what I need.
Life, as it is these days, is showing me the depth of my entanglements. God by his grace is slowly giving me both the will and the power to lay those entanglements aside. My heart is yearning for the day when I can run free the race sat before me.
Oh that wonderful day when I will be able to run without dragging chains behind me. Oh the day when the Word is completely manifest in my life. What a day of rejoicing that will be.
Grace and Peace,
Grandpa Grace
I’m sure some of you are somewhat appalled by the things that come from the tips of my fingers and the dark recesses of my mind each week. I also know that what I intend to say is not always what is heard. For instance, last week when I said I would like to sell myself into slavery some of you thought that I was overwhelmed with life, or that things were just horrible and I wanted to get out of a mess.
While I would like to get out of a mess, things aren’t horrible. In fact, they are better than they have been in a long, long time. Over the past 5 years God has blessed me so much that I have been able to eliminate somewhere around $30,000 of debt. I have two decent jobs that treat me very well. It is me that doesn’t treat me very well, nobody else, especially not God. I am blessed in so many ways. God is growing me up and changing me like never before. My life is really, really good.
As Joe Walsh sang in Life’s been good: Lucky I'm sane after all I've been through. Everybody says I'm cool (He’s cool). I can't complain but sometimes I still do. Life's been good to me so far.
Life, like baseball has been bery bery good to me. I am thankful for that. I really am. By the grace of God I have been able to almost dig myself out of the hole that I’ve been trapped in for most of my life. To be honest, the financial part of that hole is miniscule compared to all the other components.
To be sober for close to 20 years, married to a wonderful woman for 19, live in the same city (ok county) for over 20 years, and to have worked steadily for as long as I have are things that most people might take for granted but they are blessings of grace to me. They are things that I did not have the will or the power to do the first thirty years of my life.
Yes, the wheels of grace turn way too slowly for me some days. I have wasted over half of my life in true and real bondage; first to abuse and then to addiction so I could forget the pain. Now there is a huge part of me that wants more than anything to make up for lost time.
But the truth is there is no lost time. I needed, yes I can say it now, needed to be where I was back then, to feel the pain so bad that I needed to numb it and then experience the catastrophe of numbness so I could claw my way back to reality. I needed all of that in order to become whatever it is I’m supposed to become when I get big. From my point of view right now it looks like I’ve still got a long, long way to go to get big.
Yet I also know that the hole called my life could have been a whole lot deeper. I know where I could have gone but didn’t. I know of at least three friends who are or were in prison; one for murder, one for drugs and one for sex. Just a couple more turns on the path and I could have been at any of those destinations. I know friends who are dead or insane. I know plenty of people who refuse to change at all. They’re happy with numb. And I will admit that it is a good feeling, feeling no pain. But the goal isn’t feeling good; it is being good.
As you can tell by my emails I’m not all that excited about reality sometimes. Jesus certainly seemed a lot nicer when I thought life was pain free. But it wasn’t that Jesus was nicer but rather that I didn’t have a clear understanding of the fall. I didn’t know the depths of pain that it caused. I couldn’t taste the veil of tears because I was numb. I couldn’t relate to a man of sorrows. I thought Jesus was supposed to be Mr. Happy go lucky.
How can someone who has never known the depth of bondage in his own life in talk to people about freedom? They can’t. Someone who never knew they were lost doesn’t get all that excited about reaching their destination. It took me thirty years of being saved to realize that I was lost. It’s taken another 20 for me to get my true bearings in the real world. And though my footing is probably surer than it has ever been it still feels shaky because I’m standing on new legs, in new world and it’s not what I’m used to. Like Joe Walsh, I'm just looking for clues at the scene of the crime.
Today, I am thankful and very grateful for where I am. If I had any more I’d be able to avoid pain. If I had any less I might be overwhelmed by the weight. As it is, I’m at a place where I can’t be comfortable. There is a yearning for more. That ‘more’ is the fullness of salvation that I see in scripture. I’m not satisfied because I see the Word and I know my life and my life isn’t where scripture says salvation should be. So I press on to the higher calling.
I long to have the Word made manifest completely in my life. I long for the brokenness that I see inside me to be made whole. I long for the kingdom to be established in my heart and mind. And these things are being done. It’s just so slow that it makes me want to scream out with the saint’s under the altar in revelation: HOW LONG?
I truly am grateful to God for all that he has and is doing. I am a blessed man because God is saving me from myself a little each day. He’s not just saving me, he is growing me up, and though it is not what I would have asked for it; is what I need.
Life, as it is these days, is showing me the depth of my entanglements. God by his grace is slowly giving me both the will and the power to lay those entanglements aside. My heart is yearning for the day when I can run free the race sat before me.
Oh that wonderful day when I will be able to run without dragging chains behind me. Oh the day when the Word is completely manifest in my life. What a day of rejoicing that will be.
Grace and Peace,
Grandpa Grace
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Atlantic City
Morning Everyone,
I’m considering selling myself as an indentured servant, or maybe a better term is slave but it has to be biblical 6 year term slavery. I understand now why that is in the bible, for people like me. Here’s the deal: I need someone to buy me for $250,000. That’s only $42,000 per year. Of course, since you will be buying me I need the cash up front. Think of it as a signing bonus. Then I will work at any lawful task as many hours a week 6 days a week as you need me.
Some of you may be asking “why would you sell yourself into slavery?” The answer is I am already a slave. I’m a slave to Sallie Mae and 5/3 bank, not to mention the federal governement. Sallie Mae has already taken me for $82,000 while only taking $4,000 off my principle. And when the government said it guaranteed those loans it meant that it guaranteed Sallie that I would pay them or go to jail.
You see it’s for people like me that the biblical slavery laws were written. We’re the kind of people who know firsthand that the race doesn’t go to the swift, or wealth to the righteous but time and chance happen to all. I have worked hard all my life but my back has been up against the wall. And the bible gives people like me a way out: Slavery, short term slavery.
I made this offer several years ago to someone and they said “You don’t need to do that; what you really need to do you need to get involved in a business venture.” They paid me what they considered $10 dollars an hour ($500 a week) [40 plus hours a week] with the promise of a big pay off at the end. At the end of that year I was $25,000 deeper in debt: Time and chance happened with a vengeance. So now, as the Band sings and Bruce Springsteen wrote in the song Atlantic City: I have the kind of debt an honest man can’t pay. That's the effect I have on business ventures.
You see if you were to buy me I could end my bondage to Sallie Mae and the bank and I would have enough money to live on for the entire 6 years. Yes, I would be in bondage to you but only for 6 years. I’ll go to my grave in bondage otherwise.
I’ll be honest, I know me, there is not going to be some big break through. I’m not going to get a big advance for a book or record deal. I’m not going to find the dream job that will pay me 6 figures. Those hopes were dashed a long time ago. It’s not like I’m an idiot or anything. I can write for you, I can do counseling for you (Masters in Clinical Psych), I will sell you my copyrights, I can do remodeling. I work way too hard for the money. I can record an album for you, fix up vhs tapes on dvd, do work in photoshop, put your books in epub format, or kindle or anything you need, write songs for you, get books in print for you but I just can’t sell them (for some reason I am not and never will be a sales man). If I had a little bit of time I could figure out web design for you. I’m sure there are other things that I could and would be willing to do. I would guarantee you your money’s worth. I would sign a contract and I could be somewhat flexible on the terms.
See I don’t mind working 80 hours a week to be debt free. I’m just about doing that now and the end is not in sight. In my current state of working 65 plus hours a week, if God is really good to me, I will get everything paid off before I die – If I live to be 100.
I bring this up because I hear all this talk about learning to live biblically but all I hear are excuses when it comes to slavery. We’re too good for that. Slavery is a sin. WE abolished that a long time ago. But the truth is slavery is not a sin. Kidnapping is a sin –not slavery. And kidnapping and buying kidnap victims is what we did in this country for so long- not slavery. Slavery is in the bible as a tool to help the poor not hurt them. I would rather be your slave than Sallie’s.
Let me be blunt: I don’t need to hear that critical tone of voice say the borrower is slave to the lender. That condescending voice that implies that if I would have just worked harder, tried harder been a better Christian, loved a little deeper that none of this would have happened. That is the voice of Job’s friends not the voice of God. I don’t need to hear those things because I tell them to myself over and over and over again.
Sure I would prefer to implement a year of jubiliee or a simple Sabbatical year and just let the debts be wiped free but nobody except the poor would ever concede to such outlandish biblical behavior. That’s probably why there is no biblical record of either of them EVER occurring. God didn't really mean for those things to be done he just said do them.
To be honest I think there are millions of people in the world crying out for release from bondage. I, obviously, am not all that proficient at using freedom. Therefore, biblical slavery for a six year period would be a true blessing to me and my family. In fact, I would like to be able to say at the end of those six years, “I love my master and I don’t want to leave”. Hey, my ear is already pierced.
If you do the math, at 80 hours a week it’s a steal. It comes out to about $10 an hour. If you feel guilty paying me so little you could decrease my hours to 40 a week and pay me $20 an hour.
I’ll wait for your emails (and for the check to clear before I sign any papers).
Yours Truly,
Grandpa Grace
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