Next Girl

Hey Everybody,

It seems like one of those milestone weeks for me this week. In my opinion some big deals have been going down and I am excitedly afraid. It’s funny how reality never quite matches up to what I think it will be. In the end there is a lot less hoopla and a lot more drudge work to the final outcome. And of course that is coupled with a lot more anxiety over what the outcome will be. But I guess I would call myself pessimistically hopeful. I think I’ve learned that from all the times I’ve skinned my knees (and face) in the past when I thought everything would be smooth sailing.

I think that the reason for anxiety is that progress, moving forward, not staying where you’re comfortable takes risk. You have to try something new to see if it works and being finite you have no assurances that it will. Sure you can claim scriptures for your endeavor; you can push forward in unrealistic optimism saying God is for us we can’t lose – just like the Israelites did on the way to their defeat at Ai. Or you can move ahead knowing that God is in control whether you succeed or fail.

That perspective in and of itself is a milestone for me because for most of my life I chose to stay somewhere in between success and failure: in the quitter zone or even in the no try zone where everything is safe and there are no risks and no rewards or losers or winners either.
But after fifty years of growing up I am finally understanding that God doesn’t call us to be safe he calls us to be good and do good and pursue excellence in all that we put our hands to for his glory not ours.

So here I am at 50 doing things that I wanted to do at twenty; that I trained to do at twenty but never put into application in the real world. Yes, 30 years after the fact I decided to use that degree in theatre. So with the help of some professionals, friends and a good chunk of change I spent the day Tuesday making three short films. It was hard work and a long day but there was a satisfaction at the end of the day that can only be tasted as the fruit of productivity.
It will be another week before I see the end results and I will probably have to spend another full day fine tuning the audio but I was pleased with my performances and it was good to watch the rust fall off my acting chops. It felt a bit like raising the dead actually. I mean I had buried that part of my life a long time ago with a headstone that said ‘pipe dream’ and now well things have started to resurrect that I thought were gone for good.

How did I make the jump to film from writing? Well, the films are actually extended commercials for the books. I needed some marketing tools and ordinary marketing tools just leave me feeling blah so I wrote three episodes of the late night talk show “the final word” which appears in a couple of my books. And they will begin to be ‘aired’ on my Amazon Author page and other places as soon as they are ready.

It took fifty years but it finally became clear that it was time to begin to take some risks and leave the safety net of the illusion of security behind and press on. It is certainly true that I could fall flat on my face. But I am at the point in life where I don’t really care anymore. When it comes down to it if I lose everything I will actually end up ahead because I’m so far below ground now that only a miracle will cause me to break even before I die. So I might as well push as hard as I can and see what unfolds.

The same is true in church. The safety net is gone. If God doesn’t show up and be who he says he is then my neck is on the line. I’m tired of playing games in every area of my life. Either this stuff is real or it isn’t. I don’t want to end up like Saul or like the Pharisees. I don’t want to be a part of the EX-bride of Christ. I want to be the next bride. I want to hear “well done good and faithful servant enter into the joy of your master. Happiness means nothing now if you don’t hear those words when you cross the finish line. The reality is you suffer now for the Joy set before you (at the finish line).

I’ve been listening to the new album ‘Brothers’ by the black keys this week. And their song Next Girl struck a chord with me (obviously):

The look of the cake It ain't always the taste My ex girl she had Such a beautiful faceI wanted love But not for myself But for the girl So she could love herself

A beautiful face and a wicked way And I'm paying for her beautiful face every dayAll that work over so much time If I think too hard I might lose my mind

My next girl Will be nothing like my ex girl I made mistakes back then I'll never do it again With my next girl She'll be nothing like my ex girl That was a painful dance Now I got a second chance


My heart yearns to be well received at the end of the race but bad running won’t get me there. Happy feelings won’t get me there only hungering and thirsting after righteousness by the grace of God will make it so. The call is not to be safe. The call is to take the talents that God has given and risk them for the opportunity of saying you gave me 5 I’m giving you back 10. I’ve got to press on with all my might cause right now I think I may be at negative five.

With toes hanging over the edge of the cliff,
Brad