Morning,
I’ve been listening to the sound track to the movie Crazy Heart the last week or so. I thought the movie was excellent and I would have to say the sound track is too, if you like old style country music. Most of the songs are new but they are written in that old country style of guys like Buck Owens and Waylon Jennings. T Bone Burnett is the man behind the scenes on this one and like the Oh Brother sound track he has shown himself to be a master of genres creating a sound that will only be played on radio against programmer’s wishes (like the 8X platinum O brother).
The song I can’t get out of my head is called Fallin’ and Flyin’. The chorus goes: It’s funny how fallin’ feels like flyin’ (for a little while). That is so true. And yet the more I think about it (which is a lot these days) the more I understand that flying often times feels like falling (at least to me). Even though I don’t like the phrase leap of faith, when we do take that step out onto the great unknown, into the will of God that step more often than not feels like we are going to head into the great abyss below. The step of faith onto what we can not see (which is the substance of faith) can be extraordinarily scary much like my one and only ride on the Hellavator at six flags Louisville before someone lost their legs riding it and they closed the park forever. That drop is the test of all tests. It is God testing you and you testing God. God tests you to see if you’ll take the step. You test God to see if he will really catch you, or really let you begin to fly.
As Tom Petty sings: Well, some say life will beat you down Break your heart, steal your crownSo I've started out for God knows where I guess I'll know when I get there. I'm learning to fly but I ain’t got wings, coming down is the hardest thing.
It is the hardest thing, and I say that as one who has crashed and burned multiple times. That is part of the reason that I find myself hesitant to repent, to change, especially on the big stuff or should I say the stuff that seems important to me. I’m learning a lot of things these days and one of the most important is that the verse from proverbs which says: there is a way that seems right unto man but the way thereof is death. I think that was written just for me. I find myself holding onto ways that I am absolutely sure are the right way and then I wonder why everything falls apart at the seams.
Just because it seems right to me doesn’t mean it is. Now I’ve been holding on to some of these ways of doing things for a long, long time and to take the risk of no longer doing them is scary as hell. In some sense it is hell to me. I mean I made up all these rules, these plans in order to protect myself from pain and to come to the place where I am beginning to see that they are killing me softly, and painlessly is not something that I want to really acknowledge all that much.
As stubborn as I purport to be the truth is when the time is right, when my heart is in the place where God says it’s time to change I usually step off the edge. It just takes a long time to get me to the place to be willing and able to do that. I had someone ask me, no actually I had a couple of people ask me why it takes so long to change. My profound answer was: I don’t know.
But as I ponder that with regard to my own situation I have come to realize that the thing that we notice, the thing that we want to change isn’t really the problem. It is simply the bloom of the problem. The problem is like a deep growing root that has wrapped its way around our hearts, around all of our vital organs. It is the way that seems right to us but whose outcome is death – and it is killing us.
Sure we could just snip off the bloom and pretend everything was alright but unless that root comes out we are destined for death. The root has to be removed and like most complicated surgeries one wrong move and you’re dead. So God takes his time. It seems like the process takes forever to us but to God it’s nothing at all- the time isn’t important to him, the outcome is.
So I find myself this week with both feet over the edge of the cliff waiting like Wile E. Coyote to either fall down into the cavern or be amazed as the ACME wings of grace take me to new heights. It could go either way.
As T Bone wrote in fallin’ and flyin':
I was going where I shouldn’t go, seeing who I shouldn’t see, doing what I shouldn’t do and being who I shouldn’t be. A little voice said it’s all wrong. Another voice said it’s all right. I used to think that I was strong but lately I just lost the fight. It’s funny how falling feels like flying for a little while. It’s funny how falling feels like flying for a little while.
I got tired of being good. Started missing that ole feeling free. Stopped acting like I thought I should and went on back to being me. I never meant to hurt no one. I just had to have my way. If there’s such a thing as too much fun this must be the price you pay. It’s funny how falling feels like flying for a little while. It’s funny how falling feels like flying for a little while
You never see it coming til it’s gone. It all happens for a reason even when it’s wrong (especially when it’s wrong)
I was going where I shouldn’t go, seeing who I shouldn’t see doing what I shouldn’t do and being who I shouldn’t be.
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Hope I’m not hanging around too long trying to figure out if this is falling or flying.
Trying to be who I'm supposed to be
Your's Truly,
Wile E. Coyote
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