People die

People die that's just the way it is. A good friend of mine lost his sister to death last week. My mother called last night to say that one of my aunt's died Saturday and a friend of my dad's whose daughter I almost dated died as well. I know that sounds like a lot of death and it is but in my family of dysfunction death is not allowed to be a sad time, sadness just isn't allowed that much.

So I find myself a little sad that I won't be going up for the funeral because there will be alot of fun that I will be missing. My parents will be seeing my daughter and her husband and their new digs, they will be eating thanksgiving with family and it will be loud and funny and refreshing in it's own dysfunctional sort of way.

I will miss that.

As much as I can't stand the dysfunction after I've been there for more than a few days there is something so comforting about being numbed by food, games and laughter that is a blessing.

this may be the first time in my life that I haven't celebrated Thanksgiving with family. Oh sure I'm going to someone's house tonight to celebrate the feast but that family is more dysfunctional than mine and for me it's not the plesant sort so I will go but I will spend my time avoiding conversation and playing with children - who are getting to big to cuddle.

The reality of all of this is that somedays I just don't like the way God planned the universe, at least the part of the universe that contains my life. I think I could have done a better job. I will have to repent of that idolatry of self soon but truth is I will probably wallow in it for awhile.

For someone who doesn't really care about holidays I am sure making a big deal out of this one.

What is that old AA saying: This too shall pass. I just wish it wouldn't take it's sweet time.