People die

People die that's just the way it is. A good friend of mine lost his sister to death last week. My mother called last night to say that one of my aunt's died Saturday and a friend of my dad's whose daughter I almost dated died as well. I know that sounds like a lot of death and it is but in my family of dysfunction death is not allowed to be a sad time, sadness just isn't allowed that much.

So I find myself a little sad that I won't be going up for the funeral because there will be alot of fun that I will be missing. My parents will be seeing my daughter and her husband and their new digs, they will be eating thanksgiving with family and it will be loud and funny and refreshing in it's own dysfunctional sort of way.

I will miss that.

As much as I can't stand the dysfunction after I've been there for more than a few days there is something so comforting about being numbed by food, games and laughter that is a blessing.

this may be the first time in my life that I haven't celebrated Thanksgiving with family. Oh sure I'm going to someone's house tonight to celebrate the feast but that family is more dysfunctional than mine and for me it's not the plesant sort so I will go but I will spend my time avoiding conversation and playing with children - who are getting to big to cuddle.

The reality of all of this is that somedays I just don't like the way God planned the universe, at least the part of the universe that contains my life. I think I could have done a better job. I will have to repent of that idolatry of self soon but truth is I will probably wallow in it for awhile.

For someone who doesn't really care about holidays I am sure making a big deal out of this one.

What is that old AA saying: This too shall pass. I just wish it wouldn't take it's sweet time.

Hungering and Thirsting

I've been thinking alot about hungering and thirsting lately. Part of that comes from getting acquainted with fasting the last month or so and part of it comes from understanding more of the depth of the command to hunger and thirst after righteousness.

I was listening to a song Sun oh Sun by War this morning. The lyrics say Sun blows my mind and it makes my tonsils dry. I have always liked to listen the song with an O instead of a U but I never could think of a way to make it fit. But tonsils being dry is a sign of being thirsty. So now I can explore the song some more. It clicked this morning however and I realized that one of the indicators of hunger and thirst is an awareness of what you are missing and recognizing your need. When we are called to hunger and thirst after righteousness it is the same thing. We recognize what we don't have and we understand that the only way to get what is missing is to get a big ole drink of righteousness.

Son oh Son I believe in you.

God moves slowly Time moves fast

I have been contemplating the fact that God truly is moving in my life in many ways. I am not the same man that I was just 4 or 5 years ago. I have been changed in ways that I can't even begin to imagine. I see the movement yet at the same time it moves so slowly that I can't see it at all as it is happening.

On the other hand time is zooming by. It seems to get faster every day. I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow and be 90. While at the same time it feels like just yesterday I was 20. Now my children are all over 20 and I've got a grand son who is 16.

I'm not sure what any of this means except that I'm greatful that growing up is handled by God in his timing and not me in my timing. He moves in small incremental steps toward his goal and each and every step to him is sure and solid. He is building me into a structure that will last for all of time (or all of eternity for those who believe time will cease).

I often get impatient with that. What's new right? I have to continually remind myself that things are happening, change is occuring and it is postive wonderful change. And I also have to remind myself that I was created for such a TIME as this.

Here is where I am meant to be right now; Doing what I am doing. One step at a time.

Tentative Beginnings

So I enter the the realm of the blog rather sheepishly because I know how my big mouth or in this case my big fingers can get me in trouble. I don't blog because I want my ideas heard. I blog because I want to develop relationships with those I love and possible with those I hate. : )

The title of my blog is of course a nod to Bob Dylan but more than that it is a call to join God on the winning side - His. His side of things, his perspective of things is the only one that matters. Since we are all dependent creatures who see through a glass darkly it is imperative that we closely examine each other's perspectives on this collision called the fall so that we can get begin to get the complete picture from God's perspective. No human, except Christ, has a full understanding of what God's side is in the course of history.